Mar. 20th, 2011

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I just finished a second week of living full time as a woman. This one wasn't quite the amazing experience as the first one was and I didn't expect it to be; it's not all shiny and new this time. But it was the difference between living and merely existing; between looking forward to life and being blah about it.

So why should it end? The answer is that it's not going to. Except for certain special circumstances, I'm not going back to boy drag. One special circumstance: I'm a member of a men's morris team that is semi-retired but gets together for a few spring practices and one or two performances; I'm going to perform with them one last season. If all goes as I hope, by 2012 I won't be able to pass well enough to qualify!

I'm still undecided about the SCA; being a man in the SCA has never had most of the things that I dislike about being a man here and now. (It can have those things I don't like; the SCA certainly has its share of fighter jocks but it also has room for other kinds of masculinity.) I once said (and still believe) that what I really want is to dress and move expressively, touch my friends freely, and live with an open heart, and as a man in the SCA I get to do all those things; it is only in the rest of my life that they are incompatible with my gender. On the other hand, it would be harder to flirt with the cute men if I stay with a male persona (I can flirt with the women either way) so who knows?

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shirleymarquez

April 2011

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